Why are you always happy?

Yesterday at work something very weird happened. During our lunch break, the conversation focused on me, at least for a couple minutes.

My group sat next to another coworker, she’s older in age than most of my group, from another generation that would often work more than the others unprompted and at the same time complain that she’s doing too much and nobody else does anything. At least that’s what my coworkers say about her when she’s not present, but I don’t really see a reason to share the critiques.

She’s rather friendly at lunch time and my group and hers get along well, even if they throw shade at her, they do that for pretty much everyone—I suspect every single group at work gossips about each other in the same way.

Today, she made a question directed at me, the title of this post, and people started to give answers and share their thoughts about me.

They said things about how I eat carelessly and don’t really gain much weight. I am a bit fat but it’s true that I don’t look it, though people who know me for a long time can see my body has gotten bulkier than in my early college years. They also said I’m young and naive, even though I’m quite aware of some things they are not, and just because I rarely talk, doesn’t mean I don’t listen or think about things.

Perhaps, they said, is that my first job has been very acomodating, that I didn’t have to fight as much as them to get where I am. I never had a job where I was heavily pressured into things or shouted at or with the usual Mexican work culture of getting overworked and underpaid, and of course, I am in no danger of losing my position anytime soon.

Eventually they made a few questions and realized that I am not married, and that I still live with my parents. That ended up becoming a joke and sort of a final answer to close the topic. And well, it’s true, I can use my money in a lot of ways that bring me joy, and not having to worry about rent or buying groceries is a huge plus.

Many of these things are true, and some are not so true, but neither reason is why I’m always “happy.”

By the way, all the shade and critiques and jokes like these are very common in my country, we call it carrilla and while it can get close to bullying, it’s actually playful and friendly, and doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. Mexicans can be very offensive and is hard to accept for a lot of people, just wanted to mention it in case anyone here feels like this is wrong, abusive or something.

During the discussion I did answer questions, I laughed at some ridiculous claims, I acknowledged how I hadn’t gone to the gym for ages and many other things. I participated, but I never actually answered why I am like this most of the time.

Honestly, it’s kind of a corny answer, and it’s also an incomplete one. There are many factors that have made me into who I am.

I kind of wanted to reply in a playful manner, give them carrilla, point out how they’d be happier too if they stopped complaining about everything and actually did something they were passionate about, besides drinking or partying when they are all five years older than me!

Again, carrilla is not something serious, they’d get it, I obviously lack knowledge about their lives and ignore a lot of things, but we would laugh which is what matters.

Though a part of me finds it true. I wish conversations didn’t revolve around work gossip and complains sometimes.

A topic of conversation that popped up was about the new generations, how we are stuck to our phones, how we have so many means of communication yet we remain silent and shy. It was an interesting observation, and I wondered why that is.

I can’t easily bring up what videogame I am playing at work, it is difficult for me to share which book I’m reading, and even if I mention a somewhat popular TV show or movie, these adults just don’t seem to be aware of what’s new! Or they’d ridicule me for doing that instead of adult things, I guess.

Like, seriously, I would love to chat about things, anything that I am passionate about. Or listen about anything they are passionate about, but nobody seems to do anything interesting, or at least nobody is interested in opening up and talk about it.

And even then, when I am almost always silent and rarely talk about me, they can tell how happy I am all the time.

Of course this isn’t true, I am not always happy, I get stressed out about many things, I worry about the future of the world, I care about my friends and people around me going through difficult times, many losses have been had this year than I ever expected. I am sad when people get into dumb arguments online, I have cried because of moments like that before.

I’m human going through life and wants people to get along with. I guess focusing on different things, trying to see them through different angles. I also write, and that really is great, even if I can get a bit smug because of it. I’m not better than them, or superior in anyway due to this mindset.

I don’t know, it’s not just videogames or books, which I enjoy don’t get me wrong. I have true friendships, online, and in person. I have a hope that things will get better. I am content with what I have, and I have faith, which sustains me through it all.

I am curious, what is the impression you cause on other people? Are you also a cheerful person? or are you often seen as a grumpy one? It’s funny because I always thought I’d seem grumpy and serious, but I guess I’m just happy during lunch time because I get to eat!

In any case, it’s more than being single and living with my parents—but I can’t deny that helps a lot too.

This is day 94 of #100DaysToOffload